The Flipping Tripping Tree
by frostygossamer
Summary: Handsome suitor Sam seeks the hand of arrogant Prince Dean, but he must first find a magical tree in the realm of a certain wicked little demon. AU Sam/Dean unrelated slash. Homage to 'The Singing Ringing Tree'. COMPLETE
1. Handsome Suitor

Summary: Handsome suitor Sam seeks the hand of arrogant Prince Dean, but he must first find a magical tree in the realm of a certain wicked little demon. AU Sam/Dean unrelated slash. Homage to 'The Singing Ringing Tree'.

A/N: This is my Christmas gift to FF. It's an affectionate parody of 'The Singing Ringing Tree' or 'Das Singende Klingende Bäumchen'. If you don't know this fable you should check it out. It's a magical and adorably clunky East German TV film from 1957 shown in the UK in the 70's. It's beloved of many, including my dear mother. So for her...

If you're curious, the original movie is available on Youtube in 5 parts. Search for 'Das singende klingende bäumchen 1957'. This is in German but there's a complete walk-through for the story starting at: www (period) thechestnut (period) com (slash) srtree (slash) srtree1 (period) htm

Warnings: This is a children's fairy tale, but I have used some mild language.

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><p>The Flipping Tripping Tree (Part 1 of 3: Handsome Suitor) by frostygossamer<p>

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><p>Sam had been driving all night. He had just completed a little poltergeist exorcism in West Virginia that had taken him one whole day too many, and was ready for some time out. He was just entering the outskirts of the town of Singerburg, PA and he wearily scanned for a motel, where he could rest his tired bones for the night.<p>

"Damn," he muttered to himself. "Looks like some kinda carnival's in town."

That was all he needed. Up ahead flags and banners hung down over the highway inviting visitors to take part in some kind of civic celebration.

One banner proclaimed:

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><p><strong>SINGERBURG ENGAGEMENT CHALLENGE<strong>

**Come on girls!**

**Have you got the chutzpah**

**to win the hand of the**

**Prince of Singerburg?**

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><p>Sam felt a little curious. What the hell was this? A Prince in 21st Century Pennsylvania?<p>

The young hunter pulled into the next motel he saw with vacancies, parked outside and wandered into the office to get himself a room. The clerk at the desk was a perky brunette who glanced up at him from her open magazine and grinned.

"You wanna room?" she asked. "King-size?" she added, eyeing up his generous proportions.

"Sure," he replied. "What's the fiesta?"

The girl giggled and pointed over her shoulder to a poster on the wall behind her. It bore the photo of a strikingly good-looking young man with a cartoon crown badly shopped over his head.

"It's our little ol' king," she chuckled. "Seems he's decided to marry off his boy, Prince Dean there. So he's issued an all comers challenge to find him a wife."

"King?" Sam asked incredulously. "This is the USA, honey. What's with the royalty crap?"

"Oh, it's just that the guy who founded Singerburg, back in the day, he claimed to be some kinda lost heir to some little piss-ant kingdom in the 'old country'," she explained.

The girl smirked and fluttered her eyes at Sam.

"The current claimant's a guy called Bobby Singer. Calls himself King Bobby. And his boy Dean is his heir, his Prince. They got piles of money so they can call themselves whatever the hell they want, right?"

"And this King Bobby is trying to find his son a wife with some goddamn contest?" Sam queried, hardly able to believe such things still went on.

"Yeah," the girl continued, blowing a gum bubble. "Seems like ol' Prince Dean's not so keen on finding himself a wife. He sure loves to party, but he says he likes his freedom."

"You know him, huh?"

"Sure. Everybody knows him. Personally, you know what I think?" and she leaned toward Sam conspiratorially. "I think he's gay."

Sam pretended to be shocked, and he surreptitiously studied the poster some more. That guy Prince Dean sure had a pretty pout on him.

That night Sam lay in bed and thought about 'King' Bobby and his old-world challenge. He thought about what the chick had said, and he thought about 'Prince' Dean's pretty face. He would have sure liked to meet that guy. If Sam had been a chick with chutzpah then maybe...

§

The next morning, Sam rose early feeling hungry. He was just polishing off a well-earned breakfast special, when who should walk in the joint but King Bobby himself.

"Hi there, King Bobby," the owner greeted the older guy cheerfully. "Come for your usual?"

The middle-aged, bearded guy nodded friendly-like, sat himself down in a booth near by Sam's and got himself comfortable. The owner was there in five with his substantial breakfast.

"How's things going with the challenge, King Bobby?" the owner asked, anxiously.

"Not so good," King Bobby grumbled. "The kid's turned down every gal that's shown an interest so far. Looks like I'm gonna be stuck with that boy for good. And that kid's high maintenance. With them there good looks, y'd think he coulda found himself some rich bitch to sponge off of other that his poor ol' dad."

The owner grinned knowingly. "Kids!" he agreed and scurried away.

Sam had been listening to all this and, after a minute, he got up and wandered over to King Bobby's table.

"Hi," he said. "Sam Winchester," and he extended a hand to the old guy.

"Hi," the guy replied, shaking his hand firmly. "Bobby Singer. Folks here call me King Bobby."

"So I been told," Sam responded. "And I think I might have a proposition for you."

"Oh yeah?" King Bobby asked suspiciously. "Why don't ya take a seat and we can talk it over, whatever it is?"

Sam slid into the king's booth, relaxing across from him.

"I'd like to take up your challenge," he stated deadpan.

The old guy raised an eyebrow in puzzlement, as he sipped his coffee.

"I'd like to try and win the hand of your son and heir, Prince Dean," Sam elucidated.

King Bobby choked on his java.

"YOU?" he spluttered. "You wanna marry my boy Dean? B-but you're a goddamn guy!"

"And?" Sam queried defiantly. "It's legal in New York. You want him off of your hands or what?"

King Bobby considered, removing his cap to scratch his head and then replacing it decisively.

"OK but you'd better ask him, I guess." He glanced at his watch. "He oughta be here in a few minutes."

At that very moment, the street door slammed back on its hinges, and a handsome young guy strode arrogantly into the diner. He was wearing a white suit and a jewelry-storeful of bling. Sam recognized him immediately, from the poster he had seen the previous night at the motel. Prince Dean Singer.

"Guess this is his Highness right now," Sam remarked.

The new arrival marched over to his father's booth and stood there glaring down at this unexpected guest in his casual plaid shirt and old jeans.

"And so who's the day labourer?" he demanded of his father haughtily.

"Take a seat, Dean," King Bobby insisted calmly, scooching along to make room. "This here's a guy with an unusual proposal for us."

When his son had taken the weight off, he continued. "He wants to take up my little engagement challenge."

Dean's green eyes widened comically, but then the look of shock was quickly replaced with one of sheer contempt.

"The hell," he retorted succinctly.

King Bobby shrugged. "Told him he had to ask you, son," he explained. "Wanna accept this 'un? Or you gonna turn it down like all the others?"

Dean didn't look any too happy with the notion.

"Seem to recall, when you came up with this bullcrap idea, that we were talking women, girls, females of some goddamn kind," Dean fumed. "Jeez, Dad, thought we were looking for some chick with heart and a heavy purse. Since when did you come up with renting me out to your work hands, exactly?"

Sam could see that this attitude didn't sit well with King Bobby.

"Son, let me put you wise. Your allowance is on the line here," he complained. "You swore to me you'd go along with this thing, boy."

Dean bit his lip and reconsidered. Maybe he'd better pretend to go along with this. Otherwise he might be finding his pocket-money account frozen. All he had to do was give this nut job a challenge that was totally impossible to fulfil.

"OK," he agreed, after a little thought. "I'll go along with this crap."

Turning to Sam, he told him in no uncertain terms. "Any sonovabitch with a little hard cash can buy me some goddamn gift. Bling I don't need. Gonna need way more than that. Deserve way more than that."

He paused dramatically, "Here's my challenge: I want you to bring me the freakin' Flipping Tripping Tree."

King Bobby drew in a startled breath. Sam was mystified.

"So what's that?" the young hunter demanded. "What the hell is the Flipping freakin' Tripping Tree? You wanna tell me?"

King Bobby sighed and blew his nose on his napkin.

"The Flipping Tripping Tree is a kinda magic doohickey we got round these parts," he explained. "Supposed to be one powerful force for good, plus it can detect true love. But no one knows where the hell it is. Afraid it's an impossible task, Sam."

But Sam Winchester wasn't so easily deterred.

"I accept the challenge," he declared, rising from the table. "I'll find you your goddamn Flipping Tripping Tree, Dean. Don't you worry about that."

He shook King Bobby's hand firmly. "You got yourself a contract," he confirmed.

Then he held his hand out for Dean to shake. When King Bobby shot his boy a nasty glare, Dean reluctantly took the hand.

"Believe me, Dean," Sam said quietly. "If ANYONE can bring you what you really need, Sam Winchester is that guy."

He gave them both a big, sunny smile and walked out the diner.

Father and son stared at each other speechless.

§

Sam went straight back to his motel room and dove into the internet, seeking out any and everything he could find about this Flipping Tripping Tree the Singers had spoken of. He didn't find much. Apparently it was one actual, real, live, magic tree, or maybe a bush, and there had been unverified reports of it growing in the area over a good many years.

Fable had it that it could be heard flipping and tripping whenever someone in its near vicinity thought about their one true and requited love. He could see why anyone looking to choose the right someone to marry might find that very useful.

The tree's natural habitat seemed to be in places like spooky forests, magical orchards, sequestered valleys and hidden caves. Sam found himself a topographic map of the area and made a shortlist of possible sites.

That night he fell asleep to dream of the stunningly handsome, if stuck-up, stud muffin he had met for the first time today, and was already a little in love with.

§

Soon after dawn the next day, Sam was already in his Impala, checking out the various places he had pencilled in on his map. So far he was drawing a blank, even after extensive inquiries around each neighbourhood. This routine went on for an entire week. Finally, there was one last site he hadn't yet taken a look at, the Hidden Cavern picnic spot, abandoned for years.

He parked the Impala beside the little bridge that had led visitors over a deep, dry moat and straight through a high security wall into the cavern. He didn't notice someone who was lurking in the bushes beside the entrance when he arrived. But that someone definitely noticed him.

Sam had to strong-arm his way through the boarded-up and spider web strewn entrance to get inside, but once inside he was dazzled by the view that met his eyes.

"This place is goddamn mind-blowing," he murmured to himself in awe.

Inside the cavern, the light was clear and bright as a fine summer's day. There was a beautiful lake of serene blue water fed by a charming, tinkling waterfall. The whole place looked like it had been shot in Technicolor. It was like a movie set for some sort of Disney fairy tale, one of the very old and faintly creepy ones.

Sam was so entranced that he jumped when he heard a voice behind him. Spinning around quickly, his hand going automatically to the grip of his pistol, Sam found himself face to face with a short, dark, dapper individual in an immaculate black suit, crisp white shirt and black tie.

"What are you looking for?" the guy had asked.

"Who are you?" Sam demanded, feeling a little rattled.

The guy smiled like a cat. "The name's Crowley," he said. "And this is my, er, kingdom."

He waved his arm to encompass the entire view.

"And YOU, my friend, are my prisoner!"

Sam wasn't fazed by his statement. This was a short guy and Sam was armed.

"Oh sure," he said. "But maybe you can help me? I'm looking for the Flipping Tripping Tree. It's supposed to grow someplace around here."

"Really?" Crowley asked, raising an eyebrow suspiciously. "And if I could help you find it, what would you want to do with it?"

Sam wondered whether he really needed to share with this weird stranger. But, hey, what the hell, if he could help?

"Dude, I need the tree to win the love of this smokin' hot guy I just met," he explained.

Crowley snickered. "Fine, then maybe I can let you have the tree," he said and, bending down, he plucked a tiny weed out of the dirt.

He waved a casual hand over it, and it grew until it was almost as tall as he was.

"There you are. You do know the skinny on this thing, hmm? Only trips for true love?"

Sam took the unassuming looking tree from his hand, totally relieved that he had finally gotten the damn thing after searching all goddamn week. Feeling grateful, Sam decided he ought to offer Crowley something for his trouble.

"Whaddya want for it?" he asked. "Any damn thing you want, man," he added, rashly.

Crowley's smiling eyes took on a sinister glint.

"Here's my deal. You take this tree back to your, um, sweetheart, and if it flips by sundown it's yours. If it doesn't, then you come right back here and, er, be my prisoner."

But Sam wasn't taking too much notice of what the guy was saying. He was just looking at his prize, grinning like a fool, picturing how Dean was going to be totally knocked off his feet when he turned up with the stupid tree.

"No problem, man," he replied, gleefully. "The guy's gonna be all over me when he sees this thing."

"Indeed," Crowley agreed. "Who wouldn't go for a guy with such an impressive piece of wood?"

"Dude, if not I'll be a sasquatch for real," Sam joshed, then he shook Crowley's proffered hand firmly.

"Until sunset," Crowley reminded him, but Sam just laughed, hurried on out to the Impala and set off for the Singer house.

Crowley chortled to himself. "Easiest deal I ever made."

TBC

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><p>AN: Stupid Sam, blinded by love, has got himself into a deal without even noticing. This can't end well. Or can it?


	2. Arrogant Prince

Summary: Handsome suitor Sam seeks the hand of arrogant Prince Dean, but he must first find a magical tree in the realm of a certain wicked little demon. AU Sam/Dean unrelated slash. Homage to 'The Singing Ringing Tree'.

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><p>The Flipping Tripping Tree (Part 2 of 3: Arrogant Prince) by frostygossamer<p>

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><p>When Sam arrived at the Singer residence, he was ushered straight in by their houseman. King Bobby was sitting in his parlour enjoying a glass of whiskey. He grinned broadly as Sam entered the room, and got up to give him a big avuncular hug.<p>

"Holy Fudge Drops, boy!" he declared. "Kinda thinking you wouldn't ever be coming back here, never mind find the goddamn Flipping Tripping Tree."

"Yeah, it wasn't exactly easy," Sam replied. "But here it is. So where's Dean?"

"He's right here," the old guy answered, as his son wandered in the room, drawn by his innate nosiness.

"Looks like old Sam here has come through with your challenge, son," King Bobby exclaimed.

Dean looked thoroughly unamused. "Oh yeah? So what's that supposed to be?" he asked gesturing at the uninteresting looking plant in Sam's hand.

"Dude, it's the Flipping Tripping Tree you asked for," Sam explained.

"Don't hear it trip-ping," Dean complained scornfully.

"Cos it'll only trip in the presence of true love," Sam explained. "You know the story, right? You need to give it a little time."

Dean sneered. "Expect me to believe that crock of bull-pucky?" he jeered. "Throw the sonovabitch out, Dad. He is so full of crap."

He summoned the houseman and had Sam escorted out of the house. Sam took the rejected tree with him.

Outside the house Sam was shaken and disappointed. He had been sure Dean would have come around to liking him, at least a little, after he brought him his heart's desire. What more could the asshat want?

So Sam unhappily made his way back to Crowley's Hidden Cavern, to return the tree and to have a word with him about his little deal. He had no problems about going back there. One little guy. What could happen?

Five minutes after Sam got into his Impala and drove away, Prince Dean turned to his father, his face a mask of artful distress. He had successfully gotten rid of his unwanted suitor, but he still wanted his prize.

"He took the damn tree, Dad," he bitched. "I wanted that damn tree and now that douchebag has taken it away with him. You need to go get me that tree. It's mine, Dad. I wannit."

King Bobby was used to his offspring's temper, and he knew darn well that, once he got his mind set on something, he would never let it go. So he decided he might as well go after Sam and get that tree, or he would never get any peace. So he jumped in his truck and took off after him.

§

Back at the Hidden Cavern, Crowley was waiting for Sam on the little bridge by the entrance. He smirked as he saw him approach.

"Tree didn't flip, hmm?" he asked.

Sam shook his head sadly. "Hell no," he grumbled. "You can have it back, if you want it, man."

"Now why would I want it?" Crowley asked archly. "I have what I wanted. YOU!"

Sam glanced at the horizon, and saw that the sun was just going down as they spoke. A strange sensation flowed over him and, looking down at himself, he saw that he had transformed into a... sasquatch, for real. With that realization came a terrible feeling of angry despair.

Crowley smiled wickedly and waved a hand at the Impala, disguising it as a hunk of stone. Now Sam was stuck there. That was it. Sam tried to go for Crowley's throat, but the wily demon just dodged his clumsy sasquatch paws and laughed.

"Sam, you're better off without that little 'princess' Dean Singer," he chuckled. "Maybe now you're a cuddly sasquatch he'll like you better? Do whatever you want with your magic shrubbery."

"Dude, what use it the goddamn thing to me now?" Sam retorted, with an angry growl.

"Oh, that thing is bloody powerful, Sam my friend. It's even stronger than I am. If you can get it to flip and trip in the Hidden Cavern, my little deal with you will be broken," Crowley explained casually. "Good luck with that one," and so saying he disappeared.

Sam was so damn mad he was just about to snap that acursed so called Flipping Tripping Tree and throw if off of the bridge, when he heard a truck draw up close by. It was King Bobby's truck. He dropped the tree and hid.

§

King Bobby spotted the Flipping Tripping Tree just laying on the dirt, where Sam had tossed it. He was bending to pick it up, when Sam the Sasquatch suddenly jumped out from behind the stone Impala. King Bobby was startled and felt for his gun.

"What you looking for?" Sam demanded gruffly.

King Bobby was kind of surprised that the shaggy creature in front of him could even talk, but he managed to stay cool. King Bobby was a cool guy.

"I'm looking for the Flipping Tripping Tree," he explained. "for my boy."

Sam's heart lifted a little at the mention of Dean.

"You can have the tree," he grunted. "But on one condition."

"Anything," King Bobby responded, too quickly.

"Want the first living thing you meet when you get home," Sam growled. He might as well have some company in this goddamn place.

King Bobby considered. "OK," he agreed, thinking that the first thing to meet him when he got home would likely be his old dog Rumsfeld. Rumsfeld was a match for a some old bigfoot. "That's a deal."

Sam was happy with that, and he thrust the now withered tree in the old guy's hands.

"Bring 'em to the town limits at midnight," he snarled.

King Bobby nodded hastily and drove straight on home.

§

Meanwhile, back at the Singer homestead, Dean was waiting, none too patiently, with the family maid, Mary, for his father's return. Dean was lounging languidly on the couch half asleep, while Mary craned out the window for a glimpse of King Bobby's truck. As she leaned out the open window a couple doves flew in and flapped around Dean, waking him up.

He freaked out. And Dean sure knew how to freak good.

Mary had just managed to get the startled birds back out the window, when she spotted King Bobby's truck approaching. Dean sprang up and raced downstairs to meet his father. In the main doorway he almost fell over Rumsfeld eagerly scrabbling to get out and greet his master as he always did. But Prince Dean was an impatient guy and he kicked Rumsfeld out of his way to get to the door.

King Bobby was horrified to see his son run down the porch steps to meet him, remembering the deal he had just made with the sasquatch. He called for his Security Chief, John, and together they bundled a confused Dean back in the house. Inside King Bobby explained the situation to his son.

"I was goddamn scared it was gonna eat me right there," he said. "Promised it the first thing I met when I got back, just to stay the hell alive. Jeez, thought it would be old Rumsfeld here," and he patted his dog sadly.

Dean was both alarmed and disgusted. "And you didn't find that Winchester guy, huh?"

"Nope," King Bobby agreed. "Just that goddamn ginormous bigfoot thing. Fierce as hell. Looked mighty hungry. No sign of Sam. So I figured..."

Dean considered. "You gotta send John to go take out this sasquatch. John's Security. He oughta be capable of dealing with it. Cos I'm sure as hell not gonna go visit with any goddamn monster any time soon. Where's this deal going down?"

"Town limits," King Bobby replied. "Midnight."

§

So King Bobby's Security guy, John, was despatched to the appointed meeting place to off the deadly sasquatch, and save Prince Dean from being a forfeit in his father's stupid deal. He arrived well before midnight and hid himself, weapon at the ready.

But Sam the Sasquatch, having been trained as a hunter, was no fool, and he saw immediately that a trap had been laid for him. So he jumped out from some bushes, grabbed John from behind and disarmed him, before the guy had a chance to get off a single shot.

"You come to bag yourself a sasquatch?" demanded Sam, his hairy arm tight across John's throat.

"King Bobby sent me to gank your sorry ass," John declared, defiantly.

"Oh yeah," Sam retorted and, using his superior monster strength, he hauled the guy up on his hairy shoulder and hung him from a tree by the belt of his own pants.

"Tell me who met King Bobby when he came home? Who was it?" Sam demanded.

John flailed around in the tree, trying desperately to dislodge himself, but he was stuck firm.

"OK. OK," he said finally. "It was his idiot son, Dean. The damn fool. Now let me down from this goddamn tree!"

Sam ignored the guy. He wasn't going to let him down when he could still try and kill him. So he left him hanging there in the dark and stumbled off toward the Singers' place.

He was going to go get Prince Dean himself. And he had no trouble slipping into the Singer's back yard under cover of darkness, seeing as Security was how hanging from a tree some miles away.

§

Next morning, Dean was still having no success with getting the magic tree to flip and trip. The damn thing was obviously way too dry. Out the window, he noticed his father's artsy koi carp pond in the back yard. That thing had always annoyed the hell out of him.

"Mary," he commanded. "This damn tree needs water. We gotta go plant it in the yard. Want you to empty that freakin' koi pond of Dad's and plant the tree in there."

"But what about your father's fish?" Mary asked, concerned.

"Could give a flying crap about Dad's goddamn designer freakin' fish. Just throw the lot in the trash."

Mary hurried to do as she was told. Hey, she wanted to keep her job. But she did try to save King Bobby's valuable fish in her apron and bring them to the kitchen.

Dean planted the Flipping Tripping Tree in a little dirt in the now empty pond and stood back.

"Still not trip-ping," he grumbled. "Guess I may as well burn its sorry ass."

At that moment, Sam the Sasquatch leaped out from his hiding place in the bushes, from where he had been observing this selfish scene play out, and grabbed Dean, getting him in an arm lock.

"Just come for what was owed me!" Sam snarled and, using his monster strength, he pushed over a section of wall, and escaped with his angry captive over one great shaggy shoulder.

Dean demanded, commanded and even begged to be let down and, when he was, he offered Sam all his bling to let him go. Sam smashed the gold baubles into the dirt with a disdainful growl and dragged him away. Dean cussed all the time until Sam was forced to knock him out.

On his journey back to the Hidden Cavern, Sam released John from his tree. Seeing as the sasquatch now had a hostage, John couldn't do a damn thing to help, so he drove on back to the Singer's place to report in.

§

Sam carried Dean all the way back to the Hidden Cavern, where he dumped him unconscious on a bank of moss and, physically and emotionally exhausted, fell asleep.

Dean came round to see the sasquatch on its knees at the edge of the lake, stroking an enormous goldfish.

"What the...?" he gasped, unable to believe his eyes. Must have gotten a concussion.

The fish was bigger than Dean had seen anyplace before. In fact it was bigger than him. So big it could have been a mini-sub. When Dean got up and walked toward it, it swam right away. This bugged Dean some. He surveyed the sorry state of his new baby blue Armani suit with disgust.

"Take me the hell back home!" Dean demanded of the sasquatch. "I'm freakin' filthy! Need to have me a hot freakin' shower."

Sam waved his paw to indicate the lake. "Go bathe in the lake. There's plenty water."

Dean wasn't exactly crazy about that idea. "Like hell I will. It's a goddamn swamp," he snapped.

By noon, Dean had started to get hungry. It was a whole day since he had eaten his last cheeseburger. He found the sasquatch picking edible berries and feeding them to a bunch of doves.

"I'm hungry!" Dean stated loudly, disturbing the birds. "You need to get me some food right now!"

Sam smiled and waved his paw to indicate the entire cavern. "There's plenty fruit in the cavern. Go pick yourself some."

This attitude was not endearing him to Dean. He wasn't used to this sort of off-hand treatment. His daddy had money. People jumped when he issued his orders.

Eventually it got late.

"So where am I supposed to sleep?" Dean demanded, as he marched up on Sam.

Sam was feeding a qilin. It was a gentle creature that looked like a beautiful white stallion with a golden mane and antlers like a deer. Of course it galloped off as soon as Dean put in his noisy appearance.

Sam shrugged and waved his paw to indicate the ground all around them. "There's plenty moss. It's way soft."

Dean snorted and stomped away mad as hell. What was this shaggy scumbag that it thought it had a right to dis him this way?

Sam wasn't feeling encouraged by all this bellyaching from Dean. He was trying to be kind and unintimidating. Was the guy ever going to like him, even a little?

He was a mite shocked a few minutes later when he surprised Dean furtively eating berries. To deflect attention, Dean complained about the doves and other animals running off whenever he came around.

"You can't blame them for running scared, Dean," Sam explained. "Hell, your looks and your money don't mean crap to them. You gotta learn to play nice."

This made Dean snort again. "Oh, sure, yeah," he griped.

"You know, if those damn animals knew what an arrogant, cruel jerk you were, they'd have good reason to take off," Sam pointed out. "Those good looks of yours have people fooled. If you looked like you behave, you'd have a nose like a pig's snout, face like a dill pickle and hair like crabgrass."

"Seriously?" Prince Dean retorted snarkily. "Guess if that WAS even HALF true I should look that way."

Sam bit his lip. He was starting to realize you should watch what you say in the Hidden Cavern, just in case that joker Crowley was listening in.

And, unfortunately, he was.

"Oh dear," Crowley smirked wickedly. "Sometimes I don't even have to try with these people," and he snapped his fingers.

Just like that, Dean's pretty looks disappeared, to be replaced by something altogether more green and sour. Feeling a strange sensation, he glanced down at the smooth surface of the lake and got a blast of his new reflection.

"What the...?" he gasped. "Jeez, my face! The hell just happened?"

Sam tried to console him with a furry pat on the shoulder, but Dean flinched away.

"Sorry," Sam whispered. "But you really gotta learn to watch that mouth."

TBC

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><p>AN: Oh no! Now they're both hexed. How are we going to get our happy ending?


	3. Trope Subverted

Summary: Handsome suitor Sam seeks the hand of arrogant Prince Dean, but he must first find a magical tree in the realm of a certain wicked little demon. AU Sam/Dean unrelated slash. Homage to 'The Singing Ringing Tree'.

A/N: Special effect: For the proper atmosphere where I have typed (MP3) play the following music clip: www (period) thechestnut (period) com (slash) srtree (slash) thesingingringingtree (period) mp3

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><p>The Flipping Tripping Tree (Part 3 of 3: Trope Subverted) by frostygossamer<p>

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><p>Next day, feeling a little sorry for poor hexed Dean, Sam decided to build them a shelter. He picked up a rock and began to knock out a cave big enough to make a makeshift home. After a while, Dean came over and asked him what he was doing.<p>

"What does it look like? I'm making myself someplace to sleep," Sam replied.

He turned around. Dean was standing there looking a little down, and kind of hiding his fugly-looking face from him. Sam relented.

"If you wanna help. We can make it big enough for the both of us. OK?" he suggested.

Dean perked up a little. He didn't want to spend another night in the open air. It made him feel kind of vulnerable, not something he was used to.

"OK, sure," he agreed, losing his jacket and rolling up his sleeves.

They got down to the digging, and a few hours later they had themselves a little home from home. It was probably the first honest labour Prince Dean had done in his life.

"Now all I need is for the goddamn animals to quit running off whenever I come around," Dean sighed.

"Yeah? Well that's something you gotta do for yourself," Sam commented. "You gotta show them a little kindness. That's if you're even capable."

§

Dean was so pleased with his morning's work that, when they got hungry, he surprised Sam by actually volunteering to go find some fruit for them to eat. Seeing how low Dean had gotten without his wealth and his looks, tugged at Sam's heart.

"Poor guy's got no self-worth. Guess he's never felt valued just for himself," he thought.

Crowley followed Dean as he went looking for food. He had been watching all that had gone on with the cave, and he wasn't best pleased. He didn't like the way his two new toys were learning to get along together.

He snapped his fingers and summoned up a bitter gale. It blew so hard and so fast that it nearly knocked Dean off of his feet. More than that, it managed to injure a dove that was flying by, and it fell twisted right in front of Dean.

Dean hesitated for a moment before picking up the bird and taking it to Sam. Sam showed him how to bind its broken wing, and suddenly more doves flew down around them both, no longer scared of Dean.

"Guess this kinda makes up for those doves I freaked out over back home," Dean remarked.

Sam smiled and marvelled as, while he stared at him, Dean's pig-snout nose returned to it's original cute shape.

"Guess you're right," he agreed with a smile, and tweaked Dean's nose.

Dean was so delighted to feel his real nose back again, he didn't even bitch about it.

§

Crowley was feeling a little thwarted by this turn of events. He decided to use a little more evil hoodoo on his prisoners. He waited until Dean was washing up by the edge of the lake and, snapping his fingers, caused the entire lake to freeze over solid, trapping Dean's hands in the water.

Dean panicked a little, but when he looked up he noticed that the giant goldfish had gotten locked up in the ice. The creature was stuck fast. Dean immediately forgot his own problem.

"It's in trouble," he thought. "Gotta help it."

Breaking his hands free, he crawled across the ice toward the fish and tried to release it, but it was frozen right in. He looked around for something to smash the ice with. Then he thought of his shoes, his expensive handmade shoes. He grabbed them off and hammered the ice, until it broke and he could free the goldfish. It looked grateful, or at least he guessed it did. How do you tell with a goldfish?

"Now I'm feeling kinda bad for throwing out the carp in Dad's koi pond," he thought.

And just as he said it his pickle face returned to it's original pretty-boy looks. Things were looking up. When Sam the Sasquatch came back he was amazed at the change.

"Well, guess a good deed's gonna top a bad one, huh?" he remarked hopefully.

"I'll, uh, try to remember that," Dean replied.

§

In a better mood, Dean decided to go gather some moss, to make them both a comfy bed in their new cave home for the night. As he was doing this, the qilin cantered curiously over. It was hungry but still a little nervous of him.

Crowley was watching from above, and he decided to try one last nasty trick on his visitors. He waved his hand and called up a sudden blizzard, which quickly drifted thickly over the mossy ground.

Dean was soon freezing. He had left his shoes on the lake. And the poor qilin was quickly covered right over its head. Dean struggled free of the snow and tried to dig out the qilin with his bare hands, until they were numb with cold. He couldn't do it alone. So he went to fetch Sam, and the sasquatch came right away. Together they managed to dig out the poor grateful beast.

"Guess I've always been a dumb-ass around animals," Dean admitted. "I always said if it's not human it's no good... unless it works in a hamburger. That's why they've never liked me. Not gonna be that way any more."

Sam watched as Dean's crabgrass hair returned to its original healthy sheen.

"Looks like you've learned some at least," Sam chuckled.

Dean had to smile too. And he had to admit that the sasquatch was a real nice dude. Real nice. He had never met anyone he liked quite that much. Just a shame it wasn't human. If it had been a guy... Well, let's just say he had been waiting a long time for a guy like that.

§

Dean went back to their cave to get warm, but he was shocked to find the shelter that they had worked so hard to make, all in ruins. He didn't know it, but Crowley had been there and destroyed it in a fit of temper. As he stood there surveying the damage Crowley came over. Dean had never seen this strange little guy before.

"Who the hell are you?" he asked suspiciously.

"Crowley's the name. I'm the owner of this beautiful cavern. And I've come to warn you that the sasquatch has done this," he lied. "It's a monster and it's dangerous. You stick around and it's gonna eat you alive. Maybe eat both of us."

Dean was unconvinced. "Oh, come on. Gigantor's a sweetheart. It would never do anything like that."

"It's my sasquatch, and you don't know it like I do," Crowley retorted. "What's it ever done for you? You're just food to it. Come with me and I'll get you out of here safe."

Dean couldn't totally believe him about the gentle sasquatch but, truthfully, he wanted very much to get home. So he followed the strange little guy, but he hesitated a little on the bridge.

"Dunno," he said uncertainly. "Maybe..."

Crowley wasn't going to be put off. "Don't you want to get home to your awesome steam shower, your cosy queen-size bed and cheeseburgers... with extra bacon?"

Dean was very tempted by the images that put in his head, but he still dithered a little, looking back toward the Hidden Cavern. So Crowley tried another tack.

"Your father, King Bobby, is sick. He might die soon. He's been calling for you. You gotta go back home and see him. Before it's too late."

Now, even though Dean was a brat, he knew that his father was the only one who had always loved him just the same and, deep down, he loved him right back. If King Bobby was sick, Prince Dean had to be by his side. He had to trust Crowley whether it was a lie or not. He couldn't risk being wrong.

§

When Dean arrived back at the Singer homestead, the whole house was draped in mourning black dustsheets. His heart sank. When he tried to go inside he was accosted by John, the Security Chief.

"Hey, where the hell you going?" John demanded, officiously.

"Like duh," Dean responded. "Don't tell me you don't recognize me."

John looked him up and down, taking in the now dusty, ragged, torn clothing and the shoelessness.

"I should?" he retorted, snarkily.

Dean ignored him. "Is King Bobby OK?" he asked, now worried. "Is he... Is he dead?"

John shook his head. "Nah. The old bastard's not dead... yet. He's got the place in mourning for his son. The boy's been missing for a year now. Vanished without a trace. King Bobby's been scouring the country for him all this time. Sad case. Personally, coulda lived without the dumb-ass."

Crowley had lied to Dean. Lied about the sasquatch. Dean had known it. He had to get back and explain why he had run off on it like that. As he walked outside into the front yard, he heard a strange tune drifting from behind the mansion. (MP3)

Going around to the back yard to investigate, he found the Flipping Tripping Tree flipping and tripping away in the koi pond, where he had left it. He got all excited.

"You tripping cos I found true love, tree? Don't understand. I was supposed to fall for that Winchester guy, right? But he's long gone, and now there's just the sasquatch."

Light began to dawn on Dean. "Hey, is it really just a sasquatch?"

The tree stopped flipping.

"So what is it? Is it Sam, Sam Winchester? That it?" (MP3)

The tree began tripping again. Dean knew he had guessed right. Suddenly it seemed so obvious he didn't know why he hadn't worked it out right away. He wasn't usually so slow at figuring out that kind of thing. Well, maybe he was.

"That guy Crowley must have put a hex on Sam, turned him into a sasquatch. OK, so I go back to the Hidden Cavern and gank the bastard who did this to my Sam."

He grabbed the Flipping Tripping Tree and headed on back.

§

Outside the Hidden Cavern, the sasquatch stood on the little bridge heartbroken. The shelter was destroyed and Dean was gone. Now he was stuck there alone with goddamn Crowley and no Dean, doomed to be a sasquatch forever.

As he sullenly stomped back over the little bridge toward the cavern, he heard an almighty crack, and suddenly the bridge crumbled and crashed into the deep, dry moat below. Now Sam was cut off from the real world for good.

Sam's days as a famous hunter were over. He felt like some unwanted puppy, abandoned after Christmas. Unless there was someone out there crazy enough to try and save him?

Luckily there was.

§

Dean, approaching the Hidden Cavern on foot from town, found his route cut off by an enormous thorn hedge, tall enough to tower over his head and apparently stretching east and west as far as the eye could see. Undeterred, Dean tried to force his way through the thorns, but all he got for his efforts was blood all over his hands. It was impossible to get through.

Then out of the blue he heard the sound of galloping hooves and ducked as the qilin jumped the hedge and landed a few yards away from him. He grabbed its mane and patted its flank.

"You can jump it once, you can jump it twice," he reasoned, mounting its back.

With a jab of his heels he urged the qilin to jump back over the huge hedge. They sailed over like a paper dart and landed on the other side in one piece. Dean dismounted and patted the qilin's nose.

"Thanks, buddy," he said and continued on his way to the Hidden Cavern.

§

Crowley had been watching this audacious stunt, from his lookout on the high enclosing wall of his cavern.

"Curses," he muttered to himself. "Time for the big guns."

He summoned his evil powers to raise the water levels of the cavern, and flood the once dry, deep moat. Gallons of water flowed down from a spring at his feet. The moat was soon filled to overflowing.

When Dean reached the spot where the little bridge used to be, he found the bridge down, and he couldn't get across the now waterlogged moat. However, Crowley hadn't reckoned with the giant goldfish.

As soon as the goldfish swam in sight, Dean beckoned it over. Climbing on its back, Dean soon crossed the moat and was ready to climb in through the entrance to the Hidden Cavern. But Crowley wasn't beaten yet.

He stamped his foot and immediately the water level plummeted, dragging Dean and the fish down to the very bottom of the moat, as it drained. And it was a very deep moat with sheer sides, impossible to climb out of. It looked like Dean was going to be stranded down there, with no way to get out.

§

After a few moments considering his limited options at the bottom of the moat, Dean suddenly became aware of a bunch of doves hovering just over his head. They were carrying a thick garland of vines and flowers. They dangled the garland down like some sort of yard swing, clearly offering to fly Dean up and out of the moat.

Dean couldn't believe his luck. He also couldn't believe how totally cheesy this moment was. It didn't look like the garland swing would hold his weight, but there was a whole flock of birds and they easily carried him up toward the cavern entrance.

Finally he was back in the Hidden Cavern, and still clinging on to the damn Flipping Tripping Tree. Now where was his sasquatch?

§

Before Dean had a chance to search for Sam, Crowley was in his face again.

"Crowley! You're so full of goddamn crap!" Dean growled at him.

Now the last thing Crowley needed in his little kingdom was that cussed Flipping Tripping Tree. Hadn't he told the sasquatch that it was more powerful than him? If it flipped in his cavern, his hex on Sam would be shattered. So he grabbed it out of Dean's hand and vanished into the cavern. Dean searched for him high and low eventually cornering him in the clearing by the ruined shelter.

Crowley's last desperate trick was to plonk the Flipping Tripping Tree in the dirt and then surround it with a protective circle, not of salt but of fire, demonic fire. Bright orange flames sprang up as high as Dean's shoulder. The demon levitated above the fire smirking wickedly and laughing his evil socks off.

"Mwahahaha!" he laughed. "Now let's see you try and get your precious tree."

(MP3)

But the Flipping Tripping Tree flipped and tripped, calling out to Dean. He could hear it even through the sound of crackling flames and Crowley's evil cackling, as the demon floated above his head. There was no way through the flames without getting burned, but Dean was willing to burn for Sam. The tree proclaimed true love, and true love was worth burning for.

Dean took a deep breath and plunged into the fire. If it burned then it burned. It would be worth it to free Sam from his curse. And to his surprise he found himself in the centre of the ring of flame unhurt, not even slightly charred.

He grabbed the little tree and its music grew louder and louder as its power grew, until Crowley's levitation suddenly quit on him and he crashed to the ground like a broken toy plane. As he fell, the ground opened up beneath him, straight down to Hell, where he belonged. And down to Hell he fell, never to return.

A sudden thunderstorm blew up inside the cavern, and it blew away the evil and the flames and the drifting snow, replacing them with sunshine and bright blue skies.

Dean let out a sigh of relief.

§

The sasquatch appeared, finally coming to see what all the ruckus had been about. And he was delighted to see Dean back again.

"Dean, you came back," he almost sobbed, shambling toward him on his clumsy big feet.

"Came back to rescue your sorry ass," Dean replied, with a smirk. "Ya think I was gonna leave you here, chillin' in that bigfoot suit? Thought we had a deal, Sam Winchester."

"Finally figured that one out, huh?" the sasquatch retorted, as he morphed back into the handsome hunter he really was.

He took a step toward Dean, like he was going to grab him and go for a kiss, but Dean took a step backward.

"No chick-flick moments," he warned, holding up a hand.

"Yeah, well, sometimes you can't fight it," Sam replied, pulling him into his arms for a long smoochy one.

A very long smoochy one...

§

Back at the Hidden Cavern's entrance, they found the Impala returned to her former glory. So they climbed in.

"Dude, maybe we should bring the tree with us?" Sam wondered.

"Nah," Dean replied. "Leave it for some other schmuck to have fun with."

Nodding, Sam started the engine.

"Where we headed, Sammy?" Dean asked contentedly.

"New York," Sam replied, with a grin. "Got a wedding to arrange."

And they drove off into the future.

(MP3)

The End

* * *

><p>AN: So Dean saved the day! And we thought he was just going to be the silly victim. But, yes, it was a shamelessly soppy story. That's how I like it. Hope you liked it too. HAPPY CHRISTMAS/WINTERVAL/NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!


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